the last blog.....

I will admit i have been waiting... not too patiently for this day to come. the day that i would write my last blog for my capstone class taught by Dr. Sexson. but, i feel a little sad today. The groups that presented were great... and both made me think a little harder about what is about to happen. ill finish my last two papers that need to be written .... ill take my two tests next week... and then next saturday i will walk across a stage in the field house and be done with my schooling... For a while there i didn't know if i would be able to make it through college. I had such a hard time when i wasn't doing well in school and i hated all my classes, and then i even had a bit of a rough patch being an English major as well this semester. ( Mainly because i suffered from extreme senior-itis which i though was only an excuse for seniors in high school but this semester i definitely suffered from it far more intense than i did 6 years ago) I really had never given much thought to how it was going to FEEL to be done with college. I had always just thought of what i was going to do, what plans i would want to make, how i was going to spend all this free time that is coming my way now that i wont have to worry about school anymore.......

As excited as i am to venture off into a world that is unknown, i feel a loss of some kind. The last group that presented today made me realize that there is a small death happening in me right now. There is an end and i cant see what is in the next beginning, yet that doesn't scare me too much. Im ready. Im ready to be done. Im ready to leave this english major (although i will always be one!) behind and start a new chapter of life. There is so much that can happen in just a day... let alone a minute of life. And TS Eliot has definitely opened my eyes to pay attention to these little moments. Listening to all of the 'best blog moments' from the first group i also felt a loss. I am now not going to be around such interesting, intelligent, funny, people that i have surrounded myself with in my english classes. SO thank you groups 3 and 4 for making me realize i am losing quite a bit in this moment. Not only myself as a student, and english major, but also the company i have around me, that i have learned so much from these past few months.

while writing those last few sentences i teared up... i had to stop writing... but the tears aren't of sadness but joy... i have come to the end which is my beginning. I remember thinking a few years ago in my more crazy years of being a college student thinking that i would NEVER EVER want to leave bozeman.... not only were all my friends around me, but the town is in a beautiful location, the mountains, the rivers, the snow, the sun... all of it is here. But now i know that 6 years ago was yet another end and beginning. An end to an innocent, naive young girl and the beginning of a life that taught me lessons, good and bad, brought me friends good and bad, and ultimately got me to yet another end and new beginning.

a few weeks ago while i was driving home for the weekend and sitting back thinking about all the years that i have been in school i put my ipod on shuffle and come upon a song. Now this song that played has been a song that i have listened to for years, and i have always loved it, but the words didn't mean too much to me until then. Ill set the scene to at least try to captivate the feeling i had while i heard the first words of the song....

I should have known what was about to happen because the setting was perfect for one of those 'chill down the back' kind of epiphanies. As i was driving, all by myself i should add, the sun was out, the sky was clear, and i was reminded once more , like many times before, why Montana is called 'Big Sky Country'. I was just about out of the pass right before hitting Livingston, and the road starts to twist and turn. As i went around the last bend in the road Tom Petty's song 'Time to move on' came on over the radio. the first words hit me like a brick! :)

It's time to move on, time to get going

What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, baby, grass is growing
It's time to move on, it's time to get going

I started to cry... i couldnt even listen to the other words of the song so i continued to replay it over and over again.... it was perfect. The words of the song made me realize that i was ready to move one, that it was time for a change in my life, that it is time for me to start my NEW BEGINNING.

My last words will be Tom Petty's Lyrics because well i think that all of us can take away from the song some new thoughts on our lives of English Majors coming to an End....

It's time to move on, time to get going
What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, baby, grass is growing
It's time to move on, it's time to get going

Broken skyline, movin' through the airport
She's an honest defector
Conscientious objector
Now her own protector

Broken skyline, which way to love land
Which way to something better
Which way to forgiveness
Which way do I go

Time to move on, time to get going
What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, baby, grass is growing
It's time to move on, it's time to get going

Sometime later, getting the words wrong
Wasting the meaning and losing the rhyme
Nauseous adrenaline
Like breakin' up a dogfight
Like a deer in the headlights
Frozen in real time
I'm losing my mind

It's time to move on, time to get going
What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, baby, grass is growing
It's time to move on, it's time to get going